Sunday, 22 July 2018

How my tattoos helped me embrace my body

Well hi there! Are you sitting comfortably? I promise I am not going to start an intense hypnosis, but rather a tale. A tale about embracing what one may deem my 'problem areas,' specifically, how my tattoos have aided me to do so. 

As a larger girl, I have areas of my body that I am uncomfortable with and do not feel the happy showing. One such area is my arms. I remember always googling "how to reduce fat on arms," "how to tone arms" because no matter how much weight I lost, I always had blobby arms. Add to this I am a skin picker/ex-self-harmer. That means that I pick, scratch, and itch my arms to the point where they bleed or end up bright red and blotchy. Throughout my teenage years, I would never show my arms, especially the tops of my arms because I have stretch marks as well as many scars. This meant I was always quite warm but if I did have to show my arms, I truly hated it. I would often have cardigans or jumpers handy- yes even in the summertime. 

Friday, 6 July 2018

Maybe she's born with it

Well hey there, this is going to be a very unedited post. I have tried countless times to sit down and articulate this story. Often, I have found that I haven't been able to because it's never seemed relevant. However, I am currently one-year post-university, two months self-harm free, three months of therapy free and one-week medication free. Suffice to say, I have come a long way in a year. So, this Pride month, I have been spreading all the gay happiness I could, but I also took a step back to reflect a bit. I have never been someone who enjoys labelling themselves, but what has inspired me to finally put pen to paper, is this weekend my friends referred to me as a lesbian and I did not correct them.

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Dude, I'm like so bisexual

Hey, so, before we all start throwing purple and blue streamers around, let me clarify a few things. No, it that doesn't mean I am on the way to gay town, hanging around waiting for the right man, I'm just curious or trying to seem edgy. I genuinely enjoy both men and women. 

It has taken me longer than I would like to admit writing this. Almost as long as it took me to come out I suppose. The biggest difficulty I found was trying to pinpoint when I 'came out.' 

What even is coming out? How do we decide when someone is out? Is it the moment they publicly voice their sexuality? Is it when they start to tell people? Does one have to tell a select number of people to be considered 'out?'

Am I even out?!

Thursday, 31 May 2018

But you don't look gay?

Hello, my name is Annabel (Belle) and I am 22 years old. Since the age of 18, I have openly identified as bisexual or gay depending on the day of the week and the state of my eyebrows. I can quite confidently say I am attracted to both men and women, and now feel no shame because of it. 

When I started to question my sexuality and indeed come to terms with it, I asked the question that I think most queer people ask: do I look gay enough? Here I was, 18 years of age, long dark hair, big boobs, dressed head to toe in black and seldom without red lipstick. I looked more like a tragic vampire emo goth than someone whose sucking dick and eating pussy.

Then again, what does a lesbian or bisexual woman look like? In my head, it was someone with short hair, a nose ring, smaller boobs, and an overall masculine style. It was not someone who preferred the pinup to the button down. This stereotype stuck in my head as I did what any blossoming queer did, and scrolled through Tumblr. If you type lesbian into the search bar (with safe search on) women pop up with beanies and undercuts-nobody who looked like me.